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Parents of toddlers: This is for you

If you’ve ever had to bathe your child 3 times in one day because the globs of Vaseline just didn’t seem to rinse out, this is for you.

If you ever find yourself reaching for the wine before it’s even lunch time, this is for you.

If you have ever answered a toy cell phone and had a full blown conversation with an imaginary person, ending the exchange with “oh you want to talk to (insert toddler’s name here)? Okay just a second…” then this is for you.

If you’ve ever loaded your child up with cookies and candy and any other ridiculous request for things you’d not normally allow, in an attempt to pacify them so you could finish that important phone call, then this is for you.

If you know all of the episodes to “Go Diego Go” by heart and can sing the “Yo Gabba Gabba” songs without missing a word, but haven’t seen *your shows* since last season, then this is for you.

If you’ve ever nursed a baby doll, this is for you.

If you’ve ever looked inside a sippy cup that you found underneath the furniture and played the “what type of juice did this USED to be?” game, then this is for you.

If you’ve ever had to explain to someone how a 20lb toddler can simply lock their knees to win the struggle against a 200lb man trying to buckle them in a car seat, then this is for you.

If you've ever found yourself elbow deep in a toilet bowl, adamant about dislodging the toy that got flushed, and saving the money calling the plumber, this is for you.

If you are on a first name basis with your plumber because of aforementioned reasons, then this is for you.

If you've ever had to "sort through" the human output in a diaper, to make sure that whatever dangerous item that was swallowed, did indeed "pass," then this is for you.

If you’ve found yourself laughing, nodding, or looking around for the hidden camera while reading this, then my friend, this blog is for you.  (Don’t worry, I am not judging you for your mismatched socks and messy ponytail, I applaud you for even getting out of bed this morning)

However…

If you can remember the last time you had a quiet evening in…

If you know what you had for breakfast this morning…

If you make it out of the house on time more than once a week…

Then please click the little X at the top right corner.

If you’re still here, let’s get right to it.

I’m a single mom. It’s not fun.  If anyone says it is, they’re lying to you- I promise. 

Being a single parent means twice the stress, twice the diapers, twice the all-nighters with a sick baby.  On the other hand, it also means twice the hugs and kisses, twice the “I love yous” and a billion times the laughs. 

 Of course, I may laugh more than the average person from sleep deprivation…but don’t judge me.

That’s why I’m here.  Over the past year, I’ve endured some of the worst days of my life.  I’ve also laughed more than I ever have.  Spending so much time alone with my children has taught me that I need to buy a stock in wine kids really do say the darndest things. On multiple occasions I have considered sharing with the world just how crazy our day-to-day life is.  Of course, I’ve been too busy wallowing in my self-pity  raising 3 children alone to make that happen.  Now that I’ve hired a nanny for only $7.99 a month (her name is Netflix), I figure it will buy me about 30 minutes a day to write about just how much fun it is to raise a hellion toddler.

Stay tuned as I'll update regularly!  If you like what you see, follow me!

This little girl is the inspiration for my blog...

Don't let the cuteness fool you, she's not innocent!

This is her plotting my demise: